Walking The Beat

UNFORGIVEN

One of the darkest movies I have ever seen is Clint Eastwood's "Unforgiven". In case you haved missed it, it is the story of a reformed gun fighter (Will Munny) who had married a decent woman. Through her influence, he tried to reform himself. But in the 1800's hog farmers in W. Texas didn't fare so well. A young "wannabe" gunfighter came through with a poster offering $1,000 reward to any who would kill a couple of cowboys in Wyoming. They had cut up the face of a local prostitute and the girls wanted revenge. The story winds on and on with mayem on every side and ultimately Will Munny is riding out of town toward home. Lives had been lost and there was no joy. Vengeance ruled and no one was forgiven. All were unforgiven.

Are you unforgiven? Oh, I'm not talking about your salvation. If indeed that is your situation, please stop reading and honestly repent of your sins and ask Christ to control you life and minister the forgiveness of God to you.

But you may be a follower of Christ and there are those who will not forgive you. Or maybe you have not forgiven others. Forgiveness is both received and released.

Matthew 18 begins with disciples wanting to know who would be the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus illustrated conversion evidenced in the humility of a child. He said "whoever receives one little child like this in My name received Me." (18:5)

Matthew 18 ends with the parable of the unforgiving servant.  The Master is going to settle accounts with his servants. He calls one who owed an enormous debt that he cannot possibly pay. The servant asks for mercy, and in pity, the Master forgives the debt. He releases the servant to freedom.

What happens? That servant who had received forgiveness intentionally went out and found one of his own servants who owed him far less than he had formerly owed. The similarity was that neither could pay the debt. Both owed more than they could possibly pay.

The Master hears of this and calls the first servant in. He calls him "wicked" and turns him over to the "torturers". Some believe these are demonic in nature. Paul encouraged giving one unrepentant person over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh (1 Cor. 5:5) that the soul might be saved in the Day of Christ. Whatever giving one over to the torturers means, it isn't pleasant.

Here is a point to consider.  An unforgiving servant means there is at least one unforgiven servant! 

Unless there is forgiveness from the heart, neither can walk in freedom. One is imprisoned because of a debt that cannot be repaid, and another is imprisoned in his or her own sin. It seems the sin of the unforgiving servant is consisent with the original question of the disciples regarding who would be the greatest. And neither can experience the full blessing of God!

Has it occured to you that your unforgiveness - regardless of the offense, real or perceived - not only hinders the flow of the Spirit of God in your life but also in the life of the one you will not release? The cycle of hurt continues. Often it even takes the form of "blackballing" another, thus stopping what God may have planned to do through you and the one unforgiven.

I've been on both sides of this. Life in ministry means you will be hurt by some. Today I spoke with a pastor whose children were fearful they would be forced to move because of unresolved issues. How tragic!! Children! No wonder Jesus spoke so harshly in 18:6-9! 

We have all been hurt, and in order to experience freedom, we must humble ourselves and forgive. We must release all offenders and offenses. And sometimes we have to pray our way through to that place of release. But set your heart in that direction today.

Many of us know the pain of unforgiveness - people who hold offense, real or perceived, and will not let go. Of course in church life, you often know you are unforgiven by some, but you do not know by whom nor what you have done. Unforgivenss can hinder the flow of God through your life to others. 

We are all servants of the Most High God. I believe the essence of servanthood is a lifestyle of receiving and releasing the forgiveness of God. In that release one finds freedom, even revival!

LIVE WHAT IS WRITTEN ABOUT YOU

I never cease to be amazed at some of the "pronouncements" some preachers make when the media places a microphone in front of them.  Of course, I'm not high enough on the food chain to have such a microphone placed in front of me, so who knows if I would be different? I surely hope so though.

One brother seems to understand the sovereignty of God as God sending the tornadoes in judgment. I heard another insert the "bullet statements" of the summary of the Gospel in his interview, then proceeded to ram both feet in his mouth by not being consistent in his thoughts on the faith (or lack) of others. Some in the media are always looking for a good show, so I do not doubt these would set things up to get the desired response.  Of course, this brings out the critics and defenders and it goes on and on until the next big thing which has been Kony2012.

No doubt all of these touch significant issues. The problems of suffering, what faith means in one's lifestyle, and abuse of children and others are issues worthy of discussion AND action.

Here's my frustration. We Christians seem to be rushing to "respond". And that's usually a dollar short and an hour late. The train has left the station. Elvis is no longer in the building.

My adult vocational career began as a police officer in a large city. I loved it. When the Lord Jesus touched my life in salvation, and then my wife's, and called us to ministry, we were green as a country gourd and really didn't know what to do. We knew we needed an education. Some of the "advice" I received then I would not accept today, but life is filled with impossible "do-overs".  All in all, it hasn't been bad. 

One of the things I learned on that police department was that the law is only "activated" when one breaks the law. The law is for lawbreakers. Victims are creations of humanity's rebellion against the laws of God. I once looked at my old radio call logs. I averaged a little over one domestic issue call per shift. Violence and theft constituted the majority of calls.

What does this say? It says that the manifestation of sin's behavior is action to control or take from another that which is theirs. It is greed, whether individual or corporate. And I believe that is exactly what the Bible teaches. Sin always, without exception, destroys innocence in one form or another. And it leaves great scars on those sinned against (victims).

Let's make a hard right turn. Here is my concern and application. There is a huge movement in Evangelical church life to restore church discipline. It begins with new member orientation and then proceeds to define in by-laws the process of discipline and sometimes restoration. 

My observation is that almost universally what is written is a document that serves not to further the honor of God and restore the sinner to relationship with God, but rather a document that serves to protect the "authority" of leadership and the organization. In addition, I do not believe I am aware of any church discipline against a wealthy donor and only ONE case in my entire life that was done properly from start to finish. And no, the person did not repent. 

I submit that church discipline is not the biggest issue in today's church. Rather, it is the desire for control, which is the very essence of sin's manifestation. Look at the context of Matthew 18. It begins with some first century, Spirit un-filled preachers, who wanted greatness. They wanted control. Thus, their question to Jesus about who was the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

This idea of being great hinders humility. "Great" people often commit great sins. But "appearance" before men often hinders their repentance. And those whom they have sinned against cry out to God for justice day and night. And dear praying friend, take heart and count on it, God will hear your cry and give you justice. His patience is to give sinners every opportunity for repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Jesus said, "Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes." I have quoted in the NKJV, but encourage you to read in several. Read the entire context of Matthew 18. 

Sound bites, desire for a better brand of convert (my soul, let's just first do all possible to make sure they are a genuine converts in the first place), etc. are old failures. Our memories are short. 

Jesus had all authority, and he came as a servant. He never broke a bruised weed nor put out a smoking flax. In other words, the hurting found refuge and safety in him. Do they find refuge in your church? If not, why not? Are you living up to what God's Word says about you? You are the "Body" of Christ. Biblical authority is about servant-hood, not control and domination. Jesus set the bar high. Perhaps our greatest issue is to allow the Spirit of the living God to so control us that we live a servant life, seeking only greatness for the name of Jesus.

 

TAKING POSSESSION!

"And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force", says the KJV in Matthew 11:12.

The NLT is my favorite dynamic-equivalence (thought for thought) translation. One should use both the dynamic and the formal-equivalence (word for word) to gain a good perspective. The NLT translate the verse, "And from the time John the Baptist began preaching until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing, and violent people are attacking it."

This past Sunday I was not preaching, so we were blessed to sit in our Sunday School class and listen as our teacher took us on a marathon of Johua 14-22. Yep, 8 chapters! In most settings such as this it will be a historical overview. We had that, but our teacher was quite capable and emphasized the spiritual application of those chapters to us today.

The Bible is a spiritual book. Paul the Apostle speaks by inspiration of the Holy Spirit when he admonishes the Corinthian church and tells them that the things that happened during Israel's Exodus-Wilderness experience are an exmaple to us (1 Corinthians 10).

Those chapters in Joshua are filled with God giving the land to the tribes of Israel, then telling them to "possess the land". They were to drive out the enemies and live in obedience to God. But they often failed to obey.

We are much like that today. For most of my life, I was taught (and believed) that if God gave you an assignment, or if you prayed for something, then just sit and wait for him to dump it into your lap. I was not taught spiritual warfare. So is there a balance between forcefully advancing what one believes God has called them and self promotion? I believe there is. So how does one proceed? Let's use the word PURSUE for some insights. You may have other insights. List them in the comments.

1. Pray, trusting God to lead you.
2. Understand your calling with Scriptural confirmation.
3. Respond in obedience to all the promptings of the voice of God.
4. Stand firm as you face overt attacks of the Enemy and discouragement of friends.
5. Utilize your network - for both wise counsel and assistance.
6. Engage! Do it!

We have a late afternoon appointment for Cheryl's follow-up from surgery. We will get the lab results from the tissue removed during her surgery. We continue to pray, standing on what we believe God has given us. Luke 11:11 continues to be our verse. We have asked our Father for fish; he will not give a snake. His character can be trusted. So we go today as we have other days trusting God, knowing his character is unchangeable! All that Scripture teaches of Him is as true today as it was when written. We are in a good place, believing the "snake" of cancer has been killed. 

 

REMOVING THE SNAKE

CHERYL'S SURGERY is sceduled for Thursday morning, August 11. We are very confident in the Lord that the reports and treatment path her medical team has recommended is the best. We are believing the carcus of the 'snake' will be removed and she will cancer free. We are trusting that post-surgery treatment will prevent any further occurence.

THIS HAS BEEN A JOURNEY that we would not have chosen, but one in which God has been and is very present. Many of you have walked the same journey, so you know. For those who have not our prayer is that you never do. All of you have been faithful to pray and we are grateful to all. You do not have to have had the disease to care for one who does. Your caring, praying, and other acts of kindness are helpful and we pray God multiplies blessings to you.

WE WERE AT THE RESPONSE this past Saturday. I had the privilege to be one leading in prayer during the segment regarding the Church. It was an incredible experience to be among 35,000 plus who were calling on the name of Jesus on behalf of this nation.

AS PROGRAM PARTICIPANTS we were either sitting next to the stage or had access to backstage and the Green Room. This was helpful and allowed Cheryl the opportunity of refreshment when necessary.  A great PLUS was the intercession for her. Many wonderful people - some we knew, others we knew of, and some we did not know - would come to her and ask to pray for her. Cheryl got to visit extensively with Carol Garlow, wife of Jim Garlow, who is also being treated at M.D. Anderson for a different type of cancer. Pray for Carol and Jim.

I met a gentlemen with whom I had had a disagreement back in the '80's. We had both moved on and I am sure neither of us thought very much about it. But we came face to face quite 'by chance'. We were able to put anything right that might have been between us and during the time Jim Garlow led in prayer for pastors, this wonderful friend came to Cheryl and me and prayed for us. Coincidence? Hardly. This was the hand of God.

GOVERNOR RICK PERRY MADE GOOD on his pledge that this would be a prayer meeting and not a political rally. He himself, along with Gov. Brownback of Kansas and Gov. Stone (by video) of Florida shared their commitment to Jesus Christ and dependence upon God for wisdom. This was not a preaching marathon nor a meeting that accentuated personalities and ministries. Many great men and women of God who were there had no public role. It was a prayer meeting and Jesus was honored. I am grateful that a sitting governor had the courage to call the Church to prayer and in so doing, to stand with them in prayer.

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

First priority is Cheryl's health. I continue to do two part-time roles with the SBTC - field ministry strategist and prayer strategist. I am grateful beyond measure for those and look forward to what God will do with our Baptist family.

Since I am part-time, I am asking God to open opportunities for me to teach prayer in churches. I am driven from within (and above) to call our Baptist family to pray with understanding.

In addition to prayer, I am converting my D.Min. dissertation to seminar format. That is a seminar on parenting which uses the "I AM" passages of John's gospel to aid parents in teaching their 6-12 year olds about Jesus. Part of this seminar is about the stages of development and what can and should be taught in each stage.

The other concerns church revitalization. We all talk about revival. But how do we place oursevles in position for God to move unhindered? There are structural and spiritual realities that are faced in this study.

PLEASE CONTACT ME if I can assist you or your church. Thank you for praying for us and especially for Cheryl as she faces surgery Thursday. I'll give a report when we know more.

STRENGTHENED IN FAITH, GIVING GLORY TO GOD

Have you ever wanted something so bad, prayed so hard, believed, and when it seemed all was going well, it was so good you were stunned with momentary fear and doubt? I have experienced that.

Cheryl finished her chemo and had an MRI to compare with the MRI prior to beginning treatment. The news was exceptional! The tumor has decreased by approximately 80%. The Oncologist cannot feel the tumor and this has been true for several visits. Her words were "You should have a real big smile on your face. This is excellent!" By every measurement, Cheryl has responded to treatment beyond medical expectation.

Our next appointment was a week later with Cheryl's surgeon.  We had not seen him since the beginning of the journey. He came in, did a physical exam, and could not find the tumor! He had reviewed all the results of the previous tests and treatment. 

We were fully expecting a mastectomy with reconstructive follow-up surgery. He looked at Cheryl, smiled and said, "Why don't we go in there as soon as we can, do a lumpectomy, radiate, and you'll be finished by Halloween." Say what??? What about the mastectomy, reconstruction, etc.? Oh yeah - answered prayer!

Both doctors have consulted together and are on the same page. They believe for several positive reasons this is the best path of treatment and nothing is compromised by this path. One said what is left showing on the MRI may be scar tissue. So, August 11, Cheryl will have a lumpectomy removing enough tissue to leave a safe margin and be followed by radiation and medication.

We were encouraged at our church last Wednesday. One of our very good friends had similar treatment 10 years ago and she is cancer free.

We were surprised and thrilled. But is it real? We have prayed for this. You have prayed for this. Is it happening? Is that doubt? If we doubt, will it compromise faith and her healing?

All of us in our family are trusting God and very grateful for all He is doing and for your prayers. Here is my own journey.

I had initial doubts. It can't be this smooth, can it? Then a bit of anger. Anger at my own doubt and even wondering if any questions were doubt. Of course that is ridiculous. I believe God expects us to be prudent and any work He does will not be hindered by our being wise and prudent. Honestly, I look back and think I was afraid one of us would do something to tick God off and Cheryl wouldn't be healed.

THANK GOD FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT AND THE PROMISE OF JESUS in John 16:13, "He will guide you into all truth." One aspect of that truth is the true character of God. His ways are not childish.

I reflected on that first Midnight hour when the Spirit woke me, and over and over I was hearing in my spirit, 'if you ask for a fish, will he give you a serpent?'. That is when we first began to call this cancer "the snake", and said we were on a snake-killing path.

The answer to most prayer, or at least the foundation on which to stand, is in the Scriptures. I am amazed at the bizarre logic of moderates and liberals who say the doctrine of the Inerrancy of Scripture is not a major doctrine. How would one ever know any truth without the authority of God's written Word?

As I worked through my own feeling, I believe the Holy Spirit brought to mind several Scriptures that helped and again assured me of the love and faithfulness of God and that indeed, this is a snake and God is going to kill it.

Jesus looked at Simon Peter and said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed Satan has asked ('demanded', ESV) for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail:..." (Luke 22:31,32 NKJV).

Isn't that great? At the very moment Simon was going to go through his greatest test, and fail, Jesus was praying for him. At the moment Simon's faith would be at it's weakest, the intercession of the Great Intercessor would be at it's strongest on Simon's behalf. And so it was with me. The value of the promise of God given early in the journey would not be negated by a momentary lapse on my part.

Then I thought of Rhoda. In Acts 12 Peter was in jail. The church was in prayer for his release. He was released and went to the house where the church was praying. Rhoda, a servant girl, answered the door, recognized his voice, and was so excited she forgot to open the door! She ran back inside and told the praying church that Peter was at the door. What did this faith community say? "It is his angel." 

They were praying and when the answer came, were so astonished they thought it could not be true! So God got really angry and put Peter back in prison. Not true. The church grew and the persecutors were confused.

I remembered a text of a sermon by one of my father's old friends. "He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God." (Romans 4:20, NKJV)

I and we are praising God for these excellent reports and for his strengthening in a momentary question, "Is this really happening"?

It has been so long and we are very tired. Very. Cheryl is beginning to regain strength from the devastation of chemo. I'm sort of numb. We are at half-time and we are leading. But there is a lot of game to play. We are very grateful for your continued prayers. I am confidently praying the lab results from the surgery will reveal the snake is dead!

My next blog post in a few days will begin to focus on areas of ministry. Thank you for your love and prayers.

THE SHAVE

Sarah posted this on her blog: 

http://burnscircleoftrust.blogspot.com/2011/03/hair-or-lack-there-of.html

She summarized a lot of what we are thinking. God has given us a great family and we are all together. And he has given us "exceeding great and precious promises" (2 Peter 1:4, context of 1:1-8). We have not lifted them out of context, but believe strongly in the "rhema" Word that God has given in Luke 11:11. 

Great post, Sarah! Cheryl (Mom) is indeed our family "hero"; or "heroin". As one said, "She's the best person I know." Here is Sarah's post:

Hair or lack there of.

Close your eyes and think of someone close to you.  Your spouse, your best friend, your mom. Do you see them as you last saw them in person?

For me, I always picture people in my head as they were during my fondest memories of them. Sometimes it changes, but for a few, this image stays constant.  For instance, although my paternal grandmother is in her 80s, living in an assisted home and her mind is wavering, I will always picture her in her room at her home in Ft. Worth.  She would watch TV in bed late into the night, read and study her bible and often times have the classic music radio station on.  I can still picture the giant green plastic cup she drank water out of which was always next to her bed and the scattering of flat toothpicks on her night stand (she was also a big popcorn fan).

This is how I usually picture my family:

This is from the 1988 First Baptist Euless Church Directory.  Do churches still have directories or do people just get on Facebook?  I'm not sure.  I am pretty sure this directory is still by the home phone at my parent's house, too.  Growing up, my parents would reference it to remember who our friend's parents were, find a phone number or address and check what the Fellowship Hall was serving on Wednesdays for dinner.  Although I don't remember the exact details, I imagine that my dad is home from traveling & that is why my brother looks well behaved.

My mom has breast cancer and today, after 3 days of hair falling in clumps, we shaved her head. My sisters & I had wanted to make a 'party' of it for tomorrow afternoon but it was coming out so fast we didn't think there'd be time. Although her official diagnosis was over a month ago and she just completed her second round of chemo, her appearance hasn't changed.

Until today.  

After giving Jon is bi-weekly buzz, my mom sat on her patio holding a trash bag and I shaved her head with the clippers.  First her right side.  Then the left.  A few pictures with the mohawk & then I shaved it all off.  She does look different.  Like maybe she has cancer.

To me, though, I will always see my mom with this hair - a look only achieved with hot rollers.

In that dress my dad brought back from a trip to Korea (which I later accidentally vacuumed over), the necklace, also from Korea.  The blush from Clinique.  And I know she was probably wearing Sung by Alfred Sung perfume.

The great thing about hair loss from chemo is that it grows back and hopefully the cancer doesn't. So, Mom's Hair, we'll see you in a few months - she would prefer that you grow back in Auburn & not gray. Straight & not curly.  Fast & not slow.

Peace out, cancer.  Don't let the door hit you on your way out!

 

HAIR....More or less

"My hair has started coming out...some tears...it's o.k." That was the text message in response to mine, "On way home, how are you?"

Dr. Jim Richards and I were moving up I-35 after two very good Praying and Listening sessions in New Braunfels and Pflugerville. It had been 13 days since Cheryl's first chemo treatment. Her second was today. The medical staff was right on target.

What is this thing with the emotion of losing one's hair? Cheryl sleeps well. That is an answer to prayer. I sometimes wake up at weird hours. The body clock is resisting springing forward. 

I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning, asking that question. My thoughts were drawn to 1 Corinthians 11. Paul speaks of the covering of the woman in the context of prayer and prophecy. "But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory for her;" (1 Cor. 11:15a). Glory in this passage is a reference to dignity, honor. 

We have experienced little of this in comparison to many, but there can be severe and frequent indignities related to cancer. These are some of the hidden sufferings the disease brings.

More and more I am convinced of the truth of Luke 11:11. We are asking for a fish. God will not give a serpent, or a snake. This is a serpent and we are asking God to kill the snake!

Today was chemo treatment #2. Two down, two to go. This is Chemo Day 1 of the second cycle.

We were very blessed in the first cycle. Cheryl did not experience nausea nor pain that required medication, even over-the-counter medication. When she went for chemo today, her blood work was "perfect"! She has experienced fatigue. We are very positive and know the medical team is "treating for cure".

We have been blessed by friends. The fridge is filled with frozen meals to thaw and cook as well as other food that is healthy and helpful. A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO ALL WHO HAVE PROVIDED THIS!!

The support of family and friends is deeply appreciated. Grandchildren as well as children are helping. Today a grandson went to chemo with her and tomorrow the granddaughter is going with Cheryl as she gets her injection. The grandsons in S. Texas call and have sent a wonderful card. She is surrounded by the love and support of family and friends. We are grateful.

Please continue to pray. Pray that God in His mercy will continue to spare Cheryl from nausea often associated with chemo. Pray she will be spared from pain often associated with the injection she receives the day after chemo. Pray for healing. We do believe that to be within God's will and believe this is a detour.

Pray for the grace to accept some of the side effects such as loss of hair. I have said, "You are not your hair." We shall approach the indignity with dignity and complete trust in the Lord.

The church where I am interim is presenting a candidate for pastor. It is time. This will allow more focus in my life. I have a new prayer conference/workshop/seminar called "PrayTheGospel". Please pray God will use that and open whatever opportunity he has at this time, whether that seminar of something else. We are His...confidently!

Thank you for caring and praying! Thank you Steve and Jackie for organizing a 1 p.m. daily prayer time for Cheryl's healing. We are grateful for all of you.

DETOUR

"I suppose this will change our lives", I said to the radiologist. "No, it is a detour". She began to explain how.

A simple routine and annual mammogram ("mammogrammies", as our Ethiopian friend called it) had shown something not good in Cheryl's breast. Something had grown. The letter advised to return for another mammogram and a sonogram. Then a recommendation to see a surgeon for a biopsy.

I can't count the times we have prayed for people who have made this same announcement. Little did I know what was welling inside them physically, spiritually, and emotionally. We asked God to let us get the surgeon of choice whom we had recommended to others (because of his success with an in-law's surgery). We had seen the positive results of his skills and compassion.

We decided to tell our church. I guess the only church family we have is temporary, where I am interim pastor. Our membership is elsewhere, but because of the ministry God has given me, we are not there. So, our "interim" family is the one we have with skin on. And they are awesome indeed. 

Each step moved us along. See surgeon...walk down hall for biopsy...talk to radiologist...wait...get phone call, "I'm sorry to tell you it is cancer"...come in the afternoon and early evening for other tests...another test Monday..."This is a big cancer"..."We can win this". Say that last thing again, because we are very frightened..."we can win this." 

So, we see the Oncologist Thursday morning and at present a port will be implanted on Monday morning. We will gain more clarity in our visit with the Oncologist.

Cheryl and I have prayed, cried, read Scriptures and begun the detour together with our children, grandchildren, and in-laws. The pain, questions, concerns, fears, etc. we have seen in the eyes of others are now in our eyes. We are not alone nor are we in the worst shape. 

When we received news she needed to have another mammogram, I began to search the New Testament for every text and context on healing. Did you know that there is no record of Jesus refusing anyone who came to him? So, we prayed for healing. It was not - at least at this time.

I began to cry out to God. Tests were Friday with one more to come Monday. I went to bed Saturday night and was awakened after midnight thinking, 'if you ask for a fish, will he give you a serpent?' I got up and found the verse in Luke 11:11 and the context in Luke 11:1-13. We came back home Sunday afternoon from worship. I shared with Cheryl the verse I had awakened with. That verse in the narrative says "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish will give him a snake instead?"

So, at least for me, I am calling this "the snake". It is poison and it needs to be killed. I won't argue the theology at this point but just know that our desire is to "glorify God".  I am reminded of the John 9 passage. The man's ailment was not due to either his sin or that of his parents. But the glory of God was the display of the work of God in his life. God's work was to make this man whole. 

We are believing that God will display his work in Cheryl's life and the lives of the family as he makes her whole. We began the year by asking God to help us get healthy this year. We joined a fitness center and started working out. We both had our "Wellness" exams. Little did we know what detour that desire to 'get healthy' might take. But here we are.

And so we begin our detour. I may get Cheryl to blog her own journey. From time to time, I will be posting some updates here.

We deeply desire your prayers. And we thank you in advance for praying and for caring.

"Pap-Pap"

What's in a name? Sometimes nothing. Sometimes everything. He's 16 months and the youngest grandchild. We were at the oldest grandchild's celebrating her birthday. In walks the little toddler, comes over to where I am seated, points, and says "Pap-Pap". First time he's said that. And he hasn't stopped. Yes, I am loving it!

"Pap-Pap" is his effort to say "Papaw".  And he's getting there. Today he actually got to "papaw" a time or two!

Almost every grandparent in the extended family got to choose their name. I did not. Our two oldest children remember my dad, and this little fellow's mother was less than 3 months old when Dad died at age 66 from lung cancer. He was "Papaw", and when they had children, I became "Papaw". What an honor!

Let me tell you a little about my Dad. It's been a long time and I see more clearly. Dad had an 8th grade education. He was the 7th in a large, dirt poor, family. His father was a coal miner. Dad was literally beaten and pulled out of bed one morning and taken to the coal mines to work. His father thought he had enough education and told him, "Boy, we've got mouths to feed." This was depression Appalachia.

Dad was a very good baseball player. That was confirmed when I showed up for my first practice in Babe Ruth League and the coach was reading our names. He came to mine and said, "Are you Ted Elmore's boy?" I said, "Yessir". He said, "Get out there in the outfield. If you are Ted Elmore's boy, you can play baseball." I started every game. Dad once had a scout from the Pittsburg Pirates tell him if he could get to Florida for spring training, he would likely make the team. But he was told by his father, "No boy of mine is going to go off playing ball when we've got hungry mouths to feed."

I went to my first Texas Ranger game in the old park with my dad. We were both adults. Almost every opportunity Dad had or sought to have was taken from him and given to another. I watched things in my youth I did not then understand. Now I understand them all too well.

Although many of his dreams did not materialize, he encouraged me in his own way. He struggled with being critical. I do too. Dad had an incredible gift of discernment and sometimes the flesh got in the way.

The stories are old and some are very sad. I do not intend to disparage my grandfather. He was a poor man in a very different and difficult time trying to do right and survive. My father missed opportunity, most likely because his father could not see beyond today's need. My father took it to a new level. In spite of all else, he and Mom made certain that my sister and myself did not grow up as they had.

At this season in my life, I have three temporary "jobs" that enable me to have one full-time salary without benefits. We pay for those. And I am grateful. But I know every day that my life can be radically changed by somebody else's decision and I have no recourse.

There are things I learned from my father that help me navigate this season of my life. I want to share some of those lessons taught by the original "Papaw" and I hope to communicate them to our grandchildren.

1. I learned to trust God. I watched my father in all his ways lean not to his own understanding, but in every way leaned upon God. Provision and joy come from the hand of God.

2. I learned the Bible was God's inerrant Word. I was taught that prior to the Conservative Resurgence in Southern Baptist life. I remember memorizing Psalm 23 and reciting it in church at either 5 or 6.

3. I learned the value of prayer. I have numerous stories I could tell. 

4. I learned to do my own thinking. This is tough in today's religious environment. The pressure is huge to dress like, look like, use the same translation of Scripture, same buzz words, same heroes, etc., etc., etc., ad nausea.  But God doesn't use clones.

5. And one of the most important - I learned that ministry that lasts is always personal. It is never about honor, prestige, structure, organizations, etc. They only serve if they are infrastructures for intensely personal ministry. Otherwise, they are wood, hay, and stubble. 

Jesus said a little child would lead. And this weekend he has. So, whether "Pap-Pap" or "Papaw", the title is filled with meaning for me.

 

IDENTITY

I had a great conversation with a long-time friend earlier tonight. We shared stories and there are some that overlap. Seems both of us placed our ladder against the wrong wall for too many years.

No, I am not speaking of ministry position or organization. I am speaking of ministry attitude. You see, the "wall" was one of identity. Where do you get your approval? Is it in achievement, or does it come from God?

I have blogged on this in the past. Let me ask you: Does your fulfillment come from who you are in Christ or from what you do for Christ? There is fulfillment in what we do. There should be. But if we cannot find peace with God in the fact that his love is unconditional and sustaining, ministry will be dull and eventually we burn out. Could it be that burn out is little more than misplaced focus? Think about it. More later.

NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST

A few years ago I thought I was going to a certain church to be their interim. I had met with the committee and all seemed well. Until. They got an email from someone who really ripped me. Bad. Someone on the committee let me read it. It hurt deep. My life and ministry had been summarized as the failure of a dabbler and wanderer who could never find oneself. Did I say it hurt? Oh yeah. I said that. And since this email had been sent to one on the committee, they "moved on". 

I shared that experience with a friend of mine. He told me of a t-shirt his wife had given him. When Cheryl and I were on vacation last year, we spent a couple days on Hilton Head. In one of the shops was a stack of the t-shirts with a sketch of a pair of sandals and the caption "Not all who wander are lost". Loved it. Bought it.

Watching the bios of Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash reminded me of that. The recent passing of blogger Michael Spencer reminded me of that. He blogged under the title Internet Monk. He was a wanderer who challenged the lifeless dribble of much of the current N. American religious world.

It is said by some of Music City that is the kind of place that if it cannot own you, it will destroy you. I have seen churches and denominations that fit that same description.

I was asked today by a seminary professor, "What percent of congregations do believe are having problems?" I ventured an 80%. That may be low. But my experience as an evangelist was that roughly one of five congregations in which I spoke seemed to have spiritual vitality. 

Is there a place in today's religious world for the wanderer? Is there a place for the person who will not be controlled? I submit there had better be. 

Wanderers are pilgrims. We have no permanent zip code here. Our citizenship is heaven. We are utilitarian for some - once used for their purposes, then there is no further use for us. However, "Jesus Is Lord" should not only be the testimony of our lips but also the experience of our lives. He warned what would happen to those who followed him in truth: they, too, would be persecuted, misunderstood, discredited and dismissed.

This is the time for aggressiveness in proclaiming the truth of God's Word. Much is at stake. Program driven entities will not be life-giving; they will be life-draining. 

Many of us wonder as we wander. And yet, we are not lost. Caleb and Joshua wandered with the children of Israel in the Wilderness. But they were not lost. They heard God; they believed God; and they brought back a report of faith. They knew their God and they knew that through Him they could and would do mighty things. They were not in a hurry. They submitted to God in all areas of life. And they both entered the promised land and the promised rest while most of their peers died in the wilderness.

Do not allow yourself to morph into a "settler" mentality in your church. Never lose the pilgrim motif. Not all who wander are lost.