Walking The Beat

THE SHAVE

Sarah posted this on her blog: 

http://burnscircleoftrust.blogspot.com/2011/03/hair-or-lack-there-of.html

She summarized a lot of what we are thinking. God has given us a great family and we are all together. And he has given us "exceeding great and precious promises" (2 Peter 1:4, context of 1:1-8). We have not lifted them out of context, but believe strongly in the "rhema" Word that God has given in Luke 11:11. 

Great post, Sarah! Cheryl (Mom) is indeed our family "hero"; or "heroin". As one said, "She's the best person I know." Here is Sarah's post:

Hair or lack there of.

Close your eyes and think of someone close to you.  Your spouse, your best friend, your mom. Do you see them as you last saw them in person?

For me, I always picture people in my head as they were during my fondest memories of them. Sometimes it changes, but for a few, this image stays constant.  For instance, although my paternal grandmother is in her 80s, living in an assisted home and her mind is wavering, I will always picture her in her room at her home in Ft. Worth.  She would watch TV in bed late into the night, read and study her bible and often times have the classic music radio station on.  I can still picture the giant green plastic cup she drank water out of which was always next to her bed and the scattering of flat toothpicks on her night stand (she was also a big popcorn fan).

This is how I usually picture my family:

This is from the 1988 First Baptist Euless Church Directory.  Do churches still have directories or do people just get on Facebook?  I'm not sure.  I am pretty sure this directory is still by the home phone at my parent's house, too.  Growing up, my parents would reference it to remember who our friend's parents were, find a phone number or address and check what the Fellowship Hall was serving on Wednesdays for dinner.  Although I don't remember the exact details, I imagine that my dad is home from traveling & that is why my brother looks well behaved.

My mom has breast cancer and today, after 3 days of hair falling in clumps, we shaved her head. My sisters & I had wanted to make a 'party' of it for tomorrow afternoon but it was coming out so fast we didn't think there'd be time. Although her official diagnosis was over a month ago and she just completed her second round of chemo, her appearance hasn't changed.

Until today.  

After giving Jon is bi-weekly buzz, my mom sat on her patio holding a trash bag and I shaved her head with the clippers.  First her right side.  Then the left.  A few pictures with the mohawk & then I shaved it all off.  She does look different.  Like maybe she has cancer.

To me, though, I will always see my mom with this hair - a look only achieved with hot rollers.

In that dress my dad brought back from a trip to Korea (which I later accidentally vacuumed over), the necklace, also from Korea.  The blush from Clinique.  And I know she was probably wearing Sung by Alfred Sung perfume.

The great thing about hair loss from chemo is that it grows back and hopefully the cancer doesn't. So, Mom's Hair, we'll see you in a few months - she would prefer that you grow back in Auburn & not gray. Straight & not curly.  Fast & not slow.

Peace out, cancer.  Don't let the door hit you on your way out!

 

"Pap-Pap"

What's in a name? Sometimes nothing. Sometimes everything. He's 16 months and the youngest grandchild. We were at the oldest grandchild's celebrating her birthday. In walks the little toddler, comes over to where I am seated, points, and says "Pap-Pap". First time he's said that. And he hasn't stopped. Yes, I am loving it!

"Pap-Pap" is his effort to say "Papaw".  And he's getting there. Today he actually got to "papaw" a time or two!

Almost every grandparent in the extended family got to choose their name. I did not. Our two oldest children remember my dad, and this little fellow's mother was less than 3 months old when Dad died at age 66 from lung cancer. He was "Papaw", and when they had children, I became "Papaw". What an honor!

Let me tell you a little about my Dad. It's been a long time and I see more clearly. Dad had an 8th grade education. He was the 7th in a large, dirt poor, family. His father was a coal miner. Dad was literally beaten and pulled out of bed one morning and taken to the coal mines to work. His father thought he had enough education and told him, "Boy, we've got mouths to feed." This was depression Appalachia.

Dad was a very good baseball player. That was confirmed when I showed up for my first practice in Babe Ruth League and the coach was reading our names. He came to mine and said, "Are you Ted Elmore's boy?" I said, "Yessir". He said, "Get out there in the outfield. If you are Ted Elmore's boy, you can play baseball." I started every game. Dad once had a scout from the Pittsburg Pirates tell him if he could get to Florida for spring training, he would likely make the team. But he was told by his father, "No boy of mine is going to go off playing ball when we've got hungry mouths to feed."

I went to my first Texas Ranger game in the old park with my dad. We were both adults. Almost every opportunity Dad had or sought to have was taken from him and given to another. I watched things in my youth I did not then understand. Now I understand them all too well.

Although many of his dreams did not materialize, he encouraged me in his own way. He struggled with being critical. I do too. Dad had an incredible gift of discernment and sometimes the flesh got in the way.

The stories are old and some are very sad. I do not intend to disparage my grandfather. He was a poor man in a very different and difficult time trying to do right and survive. My father missed opportunity, most likely because his father could not see beyond today's need. My father took it to a new level. In spite of all else, he and Mom made certain that my sister and myself did not grow up as they had.

At this season in my life, I have three temporary "jobs" that enable me to have one full-time salary without benefits. We pay for those. And I am grateful. But I know every day that my life can be radically changed by somebody else's decision and I have no recourse.

There are things I learned from my father that help me navigate this season of my life. I want to share some of those lessons taught by the original "Papaw" and I hope to communicate them to our grandchildren.

1. I learned to trust God. I watched my father in all his ways lean not to his own understanding, but in every way leaned upon God. Provision and joy come from the hand of God.

2. I learned the Bible was God's inerrant Word. I was taught that prior to the Conservative Resurgence in Southern Baptist life. I remember memorizing Psalm 23 and reciting it in church at either 5 or 6.

3. I learned the value of prayer. I have numerous stories I could tell. 

4. I learned to do my own thinking. This is tough in today's religious environment. The pressure is huge to dress like, look like, use the same translation of Scripture, same buzz words, same heroes, etc., etc., etc., ad nausea.  But God doesn't use clones.

5. And one of the most important - I learned that ministry that lasts is always personal. It is never about honor, prestige, structure, organizations, etc. They only serve if they are infrastructures for intensely personal ministry. Otherwise, they are wood, hay, and stubble. 

Jesus said a little child would lead. And this weekend he has. So, whether "Pap-Pap" or "Papaw", the title is filled with meaning for me.

 

NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST

A few years ago I thought I was going to a certain church to be their interim. I had met with the committee and all seemed well. Until. They got an email from someone who really ripped me. Bad. Someone on the committee let me read it. It hurt deep. My life and ministry had been summarized as the failure of a dabbler and wanderer who could never find oneself. Did I say it hurt? Oh yeah. I said that. And since this email had been sent to one on the committee, they "moved on". 

I shared that experience with a friend of mine. He told me of a t-shirt his wife had given him. When Cheryl and I were on vacation last year, we spent a couple days on Hilton Head. In one of the shops was a stack of the t-shirts with a sketch of a pair of sandals and the caption "Not all who wander are lost". Loved it. Bought it.

Watching the bios of Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash reminded me of that. The recent passing of blogger Michael Spencer reminded me of that. He blogged under the title Internet Monk. He was a wanderer who challenged the lifeless dribble of much of the current N. American religious world.

It is said by some of Music City that is the kind of place that if it cannot own you, it will destroy you. I have seen churches and denominations that fit that same description.

I was asked today by a seminary professor, "What percent of congregations do believe are having problems?" I ventured an 80%. That may be low. But my experience as an evangelist was that roughly one of five congregations in which I spoke seemed to have spiritual vitality. 

Is there a place in today's religious world for the wanderer? Is there a place for the person who will not be controlled? I submit there had better be. 

Wanderers are pilgrims. We have no permanent zip code here. Our citizenship is heaven. We are utilitarian for some - once used for their purposes, then there is no further use for us. However, "Jesus Is Lord" should not only be the testimony of our lips but also the experience of our lives. He warned what would happen to those who followed him in truth: they, too, would be persecuted, misunderstood, discredited and dismissed.

This is the time for aggressiveness in proclaiming the truth of God's Word. Much is at stake. Program driven entities will not be life-giving; they will be life-draining. 

Many of us wonder as we wander. And yet, we are not lost. Caleb and Joshua wandered with the children of Israel in the Wilderness. But they were not lost. They heard God; they believed God; and they brought back a report of faith. They knew their God and they knew that through Him they could and would do mighty things. They were not in a hurry. They submitted to God in all areas of life. And they both entered the promised land and the promised rest while most of their peers died in the wilderness.

Do not allow yourself to morph into a "settler" mentality in your church. Never lose the pilgrim motif. Not all who wander are lost. 

I LIVE WITH A PROPHETESS!! SHE CALLED IT! :)

This morning as Cheryl and I were watching the news, I asked, "Did you ever think we would live to see our nation elect an African-American as President?" She said, "Yes, four years ago." And I remembered. We typically watch both political party's major speeches during their conventions. When she heard Barack Obama's speech, she said, "That man will be President one day." And he is to be inaugurated as such January 20, 2009.

That this is a historical moment is perhaps an understatement. Although I am more conservative than Mr. Obama in both politics and theology, I am very grateful to see enough of our nation overcome racial divides sufficient to elect a non-Anglo to the highest office in the land. I remember when my southern high school integrated. Our school was able to do so without any violence. I cherish that heritage and also this historical moment.

Being the independent thinker that I am (I don't claim to be one of genius intelligence; I just reserve the right to do my own thinking rather than let others do it for me) often gets me in trouble, especially among those who live their lives in fear or who are in a contest to be the fourth person of the Trinity. But for others, they accept me as the human follower of Jesus that I am and we can have great dialog.

As a Christian it is my privilege and responsibility to pray for whoever occupies the civil leadership of our nation. We in the United States have the right of appeal as free citizens. We Christians should be able to give a reason for our beliefs. Therefore the exercise of good citizenship is expected. However, we must be people of truth and reject lies and disparaging innuendo against those who do not share our beliefs or opinions. We are to be Christian in every sense of the word. That means we pray for all and protest only with truth. Mr. Obama gives testimony of being a follower of Jesus. He is a brother and only Jesus can judge otherwise. So don't fall into the trap of those with agendas who would use Christians as fodder for their own agenda. Read, think, pray. "The king's heart is in the hands of the Lord"(Prov. 21:1, NIV).

But back to the "prophetess". How do you function in your marriage? We are committed to the sufficiency and truth of the Scriptures. I do use the word "inerrant" (Chicago Statement on Biblical Inerrancy) to describe the nature of Holy Scripture. This is a double-edged sword for those who believe the Bible. One is that where Scripture speaks, it is authoritative and if we are serious, we should seek to obey. The other side of that is where Scripture does not speak, we should not attempt to make our cultural and religious opinions authoritative. Here there is freedom. Deuteronomy 29:29, (ESV) is helpful: "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law."

A good marriage is always a work in progress. Two people, usually different personalities and often different backgrounds fall in love. They are typically young and the body has yet to "backslide". Their dreams are ahead of them. They can make love all night, not realizing that what they can do all night will one day take all night! But there are some things they haven't done.

They likely have not considered the biological family of their intended spouse and asked the question: "Will he or she be like that when they are that age?" They have not looked at the behavioral patterns, sin patterns, the strengths and weaknesses, or the disease and dysfunctions that are patterns in the biological family of their intended. They honestly believe they will be "different". They have their own dreams, so they begin.

But life often comes from our blind sides. Ahhh, those tests. Those unexpected "worse" parts of our wedding vows. The biology kicks in and despite our best efforts we begin to exhibit some undesirable traits of our heritage and genes. Do you remember the first time you heard yourself saying something to your children or spouse that your parents used to say and you swore an oath that you would never say that? Or the first time you looked in the mirror and then looked away?  :)

One has some options at these points. Although not at all God's desire, it is too easy in this country to simply walk away for less than biblical reasons. I am referring to choosing the path of least resistance when the challenges come. This is sometimes encouraged by culture, friends and family. It is often a regrettable decision and carries it's own baggage. But some do choose this option.

Another option is to buy into the "role" legalism. We speak a lot in marriage about role. But it isn't a biblical word. It is one of those "opinion" rules. In fact, it is not even used in the NIV, KJV, or ESV. It is used twice in the NLT and neither refer to the family. Role can be a helpful word. It can be a reminder of certain responsibilities each of us have. But if used as a scorecard, it is not helpful in a marriage relationship and is often the parent of resentment. Almost every scorecard keeps a record of errors, and I Corinthians 13:6 reminds us that love "keeps no record of being wronged" (NLT).

I believe a better way is to use the word relationship. We are not in a perfect world and it is likely a good thing that when young and in love we do not analyze everything in one another's biological family. Who would survive such critique?

The word "relationship" is a biblical word and is used in various translations in both the Old and New Testaments. It is used in some passages in the context of family. I believe the translators have been wise at this point. Marriage is a relationship. Relationships have the possibility for growth as well as for failure. Relationship has responsibilities and requires sacrifice. Relationships cannot exist in a vacuum. One must give of himself or herself in order to achieve a successful relationship.

The years have given Cheryl and I some great joys and we anticipate more. We have had some pretty tough knocks as well. We have learned from them. And I have grown from the "Role" emphasis of marriage to the "relationship" emphasis. In that relationship we see all of the components of a biblical marriage. And it is good and growing. And although I am the outspoken one, I have found in her soft words wisdom. Is this not a part of being in the image of God and "one flesh"?

My encouragement to you going through difficulty is this. Don't give up to any except God. Today is NOT tomorrow and God will carry your through. Respect one another enough to fail with them. Some of the greatest of our history experienced many failures prior to achieving their life's success. Abraham Lincoln is just one example. Moses is another. John Mark another. So was Simon Peter. I affectionately refer to him as "Peter the Cable Guy". He was somewhat of a Galilean "redneck".

God will honor you and bring you through. I do like the old spiritual, "I'm goin' through, yes I'm goin' through. I've started in Jesus, and I'm going through." May all of us go through together!!